A YEAR ON...

Soooooo... So... You know when I said that I was going to start this AMAZING blog and it was going to be tell all about my dating life and stuff like that? Lol well I got cuffed. Oops. You can blame Luke for that. Evie was going to live her single life fantasy and then your girl went and fell in love - idiot. All jokes aside, life with Luke is fab and he's been there for me through a lot of ups and downs over this past year. I can't imagine my life without him.

So what's it like living without someone you thought you were going to spend your life with? Strange. Very strange. My ex boyfriend, Matt, was my everything. He was going to be my future husband, the father of my kids, his family were my family, our money was one, our lives were one. But, he gave up on us and therefore so did I.

It's been little over a year since we broke up and, honestly, the time has flown. Of course, I still think about him a lot - I loved him. He was my best friend. He knew everything about me. He knew with one look what I was thinking. He helped me through some very dark times and I'll never be able to thank him enough for that. When I decided to be done with it, I also gave up our future and the planned out life I thought I was going to have. My wants and desires I once had, have become distant and out of reach but also new wants and desires have come to the forefront.

1. Buying a house - waaaay down on the list of things I want to do. Mainly because I don't have the money but also it just doesn't excite me. What I need right now is just a small space for me to grow as a person instead of legal teams, fees coming out of nowhere and the looming prospect of being bound to something for 35 years. It's just not for me right now.

2. Getting married - Marriage has always been a strange concept for me. Coming from divorced parents, which have then gone onto wonderful second marriages, I can both the good and the bad in getting married. One day I would love to but it's not something pressing right now. Before my heart used to break every time I would see someone's left hand on Facebook, with beautiful nails and a huge rock stuck on the finger that screams 'I'M WORTHY, YOU'RE NOT!' But back then I thought Matt was the one and I would've said yes before he'd even said the question, but now I would have to be absolutely sure. I mean the main reason I'd want to get married now a days is to have a MASSIVE party more than marriage lol.

3. Having kids - I realise now that this was more of my dream than it was Matt's. I think that's why he never proposed to be honest. I used to think that it was the logical step in life to have kids after the house and marriage. Whereas now I realise that this is my main want in life and there doesn't have to be a set order. I just want a part of me to be in another human, who I will love unconditionally and who will do the same for me. I'm very ready to have a baby, but all other aspects of my life just aren't ready yet.

Wants and desires now? TRAVEL! Matt and I travelled a lot to Europe during the first few years of our relationship - another thing that fell to the wayside. We had some dream holiday ideas, but he decided that we were going to do them after we'd had kids, just like his parents did. Because I was blinded, by what I'm not sure, I just accepted this fact and my love for travel seemed like a distant ambition that I would get to reconnect with after my life's narrative. But now? SOD THAT! I know we've come into a major hiccup with Coronavirus, but as soon as we're up and running again mama's making travel plans baby! The best advice I've had from my family is that I should not rush into anything. Life isn't as short as everyone says it is. I haven't got to rush into my forever plans because that'll just hold me back in the long run. Seeing the world is were I want to be. I've already ticked one place off my list - New York! Somewhere Matt said we'd get to eventually... but clearly never meant it.

As I said, I still think about him a year on. I mainly think that's because I have no idea where he is or what he's doing. This has made it easier to move on but also I'm nosey and would like to know what's going on in his life LOL. I do wonder if he ever thinks about me too, like does he know I've got a boyfriend? Does he know I went to New York? I guess I'll never know! It's just strange going from knowing absolutely everything about a person's life to then knowing nothing at all.

As always, if you have any questions about this blog or anything else then hit me up on the socials: @evie_brooks on both Twitter and Instagram. Hope enjoyed my honesty, especially if you're going through a similar thing and you can relate x