WHAT IT'S LIKE TO LIVE WITH YOUR EX

My ex boyfriend and I broke up over two months ago and, yes, we still live together. When I tell people this the reaction is usually utter horror but to be completely honest, we're in this situation partly by necessity and partly by choice. As we live in a rented house together and signed a contract to live there for 12 months, it would mean that at least one of us would have to live here until that time was up. Logically, it would have been me that needed to move out, my mum had said I could move back in, none of his family live close by, he is the bigger earner, I had broken up the with him... But when we broke up, I wasn't ready to leave my lovely house and the life we had made together, it seemed way too daunting so I wanted to stay and grip onto any time left I had being an independent adult.

Living with him has been tough and easy all at the same time. There's no fights, arguments, screaming, plates smashing but there's also no smiles, hugs, silliness or joy. The best way to describe it is that the atmosphere is cold. We don't sit in the same room in the evening, either one of us is in 'their' room or in the lounge so a lot of my time I feel alone. Feeling alone is dangerous territory for me due to my past mental health issues so having him present is better than not having him there at all. I think being this whole situation has made me realise I could never live alone as it is way too hard to for me to be on my own.

When we were together, I used to rely on him A LOT and, like in any relationship, we've both had to adjust how we work. But by still living together... navigating this has been really... different I guess. Luckily for me, he is a very kind and giving person so he isn't intentionally nasty to me. Just cold. And I don't blame him for that! I would be too if he had broken up with me lol. But, regardless of that, we still do house jobs for each other. Like, I clean the bathroom, he takes the bins out and all that stuff. We still eat the same dinner, we share Netflix and Amazon accounts, he can still use my ASOS premier delivery if he wants to. Silly stuff I know but all things that make life a lot easier and I guess it's all just part of the 'adjusting period.'

As for bringing people back to the house... well I guess I'm lucky he goes away a lot so when he's not home that's my time to shine LOL HAHA. We had the conversation about dating new people quite early on but just decided, out of respect for one another, we wouldn't do it while the other is home. And this has kind of carried on to anyone really, not just people we are dating. Like I won't invite anyone over when he's home or if he is I'll let him know in advance in case he doesn't want to be there. And he does the same with me. This I'd say is the only real ‘awkward‘ thing, but we've figured out our rhythm and I guess that's all that matters.

When I got home from work last night, our estate agents had put the 'To Let' sign boldly outside our kitchen window and that was like a massive punch to the gut. Like it's a symbol that says to me 'haha, you thought you were going to live here for ages and now you have to give up a lovely house because you failed at a relationship you thought you were going to be in forever you stupid girl.' And honestly that just kills me. But on the bright side! I'm moving back in with Bev, JB and Dylan and even though that makes me feel a little uneasy because most people my age are off flourishing, e.g. buying houses, having babies or getting married, I'm taking a step back. Nevertheless, I wholeheartedly know it's the best thing for me, emotionally, mentally and financially and I'm very very grateful to them for taking me back in and wanting to make my little space in their home that's lovely and special for me. With this it means that lots of homeware blogs coming your waaaaaay! So get reeeeeeeady!

As for how I'm feeling about the break up, I do miss him, I miss the old us, but I know that if we had stayed together we would've both been very unhappy living in a stagnant relationship. I can say for myself that even though it is really tough sometimes, and I'm not really helping myself by listening to Adele all the time (Someone Like You and Hello are particularly painful and very relatable), I'm better off for it. And I hope he is too.

As always, if you have any questions about this blog or anything else then hit me up on the socials: @evie_brooks on both Twitter and Instagram. Hope you enjoyed my honesty and I haven't depressed you too much lol x