WHAT IT'S LIKE TO ONLINE DATE WHEN YOU'RE FAT
- Evie Brooks
- Jun 2, 2019
- 6 min read
Updated: Jun 13, 2019
ATTENTION ALL READERS!!! If you're my Granny, Mum, Dad or Step Dad JB please stop reading this now. Don't ask, just do what I say. Thx x
As a newly single woman, it didn't take me long to crave a bit of attention and to be honest, I knew the best way to achieve this was through online dating apps/sites. Look, having a cute boy tell you you're fit/pretty/have nice eyes is exactly what I needed to hear after feeling super low. I know it sounds stupid to need a boy to validate me but there's nothing wrong with that. I was feeling vulnerable and some of the things they were saying made me feel like a boss ass bitch. And A GIRL'S GOT NEEDS OKURRRRRRR. So Tinder was the way forward. (Btw, I have only used Tinder in the last few months, so will be exclusively referring to them when talking about online dating in this post).
So, one day I got home from work, picked out all my best snaps, tried to think of a good bio - WHICH IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST PART, HOW DO YOU BE WITTY AND SEXY AT THE SAME TIME, I DUNNO!?!?! - and with a couple of taps it was done. Evie was officially back on the market.
Now let's just get this out of the way, I'm fat. It's not a dirty word. It's not shocking. Only those who allow the normalised fatphobia into their lives deem 'fat' to be a scary and shameful word. It's not. And as a fat person I'm ok with it. It's literally so ok to be fat, promise.
As a fat woman, I felt like there was a lot of stakes riding on the pictures I would release to the fierce pack of bloodhounds... oop, I mean to men men on Tinder lol. I felt like I had to be honest with my fat body and put some full body shots in there. I just CBA with that look on a guy's face when we met for the first time and he's thinking 'oh bloody hell she's not what she looks like in the pictures' if I'd only uploaded selfies. And to be honest, I don't care that I'm chubby? So if some bloke on the internet thinks that he has an issue with my weight then he can just swipe left and move on to every other Becky on the app. That suits me muuuuch better. But of course I absolutely picked the pictures with the best angles honey don't you worry about thatttt. Being fat online is somewhat of a challenge and therefore, I'd be a lying if I didn't acknowledge that I generally only post 'flattering' photos of myself. But hey, don't we all!? Gotta make the booty right, the curves right, the arms and legs right... It all comes with the territory of being online. Especially when you're fat. I personally have never experienced outward and obvious fatphobia online, which I am so grateful for because damn mama, that can get naaaaasty. But having this in my mind, whilst also looking for a potential suitor made my picture selecting very meticulous.
My Tinder profile starts off with a selfie. Do they think I'm fit from the get-go? Draw them in with my lil pout/half smile why don't ya.
Next is the 'sitting down'. You can see I'm chunky, yet funky and likes to have a good time - note prosecco glass.
Next, is the full body shot. I took this when I was half cut in a pub toilet on snapchat to send to my best friends to say I was feeling myself. And to be honest, posted it on Instagram because I was feeling sad about my impending break up and needed some validation. Tragic right? But this one was important for me and my Tinder profile, because you can see my VBL (visible belly line). So, this is the kind of 'honest' photo I was talking about.
Then, a close up of my makeup so they can see that I'm actually alright at my job...
Also, a bit of a heads up that I'm not going to take any shit from boys and also to tell them that I'm basic af lol.
This one I uploaded to be like, I HAVE FRIENDS AND I HAVE FUN I PROMISE!
And the obligatory 'I travel' post. Again this shows off my fatness to ward off any idiot boys that have a problem with my, or anyone else's, size.
So, Evie, how has online dating whilst being fat gone for you? Well Evie, it's been ok! I've chatted with *cough* many *cough* blokes on Tinder and most of them have been alright. With many of them you get the 'hey, how're you?' 'Good, you?' 'What do you do for work?' type bland back and forths. But some have been absolutely lovely, sweet and funny and they are the ones that get can grab and hold onto my, usually very short, attention span. SUCCESS!
BUT EVIE! We wanna hear about the horror stories, the juicy gossip. Haha, ok ok. Here's some lukewarm tea for you. I don't like anything too mushy and 'cutesie'. VOM. I can't stand it, it makes my skin crawl. It's just not a bit of me. And the men that do this just get left on read... HARD. And the ones that just will send you snapchats of their bodies and other 'parts' while you're talking about something else... 'How's your day been babe?' While they're biting their lip and clearly tensing reaaaaally hard. Ok? Cheers? ALSO we mustn't forget about the bloke that told me he was 'going to beat the shit out of me' if I didn't respond to him or agree to go out on a date with him... that was fun... NOT. Threatening behaviour towards women is absolutely disgusting and you're not going to pressure me into anything hun. That ain't my gig. A firm block and delete thank you, goodbye.
Oh and obviously I get the 'you're not fat!' expression that just makes my eyes behave in such a way that is only comparable to the Colossus at Thorpe Park. You haven't met me in real life... you've only seen a very thought out array of photos that have been painstakingly selected by yours truly... please don't tell me what my own body is like OK? THANK U. BUT HAHA! I did meet up with one guy, and while we were *together*, with no disappointment or excitement or any real thought, said 'you're the biggest girl I've been with'. Now, to be honest this knocked me a bit. Like why did he bring it up? Like Ok? Good for you? Am I so fat that he was completely aghast and had to let me know that he wasn't usually attracted to fatties while we were literally *TOGETHER*? But then as I thought about it some more and was like ya know what, lucky him! I am a catch and I am fat. You are lucky that you're with me right now. I mean it didn't end well so I shall not wish any more babes, fat or otherwise, go near him but I hope at the very least I opened up his mind about the type of girl he might have an attraction to in the future. Who knows, but wtf right!? HAHAHAHA.
Look ladies and gents, I know that story is rough but don't sweat it... If you're worried about dating online and how your weight might come into play then don't. I started off Tinder on the first day, lowering my standards and swiping right on dudes I thought would maybe like me and swiping left on hotties because I thought I was sooooo punching that they couldn't possibly be interested in a fat girl like me. Then I realised... if they don't like me and they don't like my fatness... they'll swipe left! That's the whole point of Tinder duhhhh. So I started doing the swipe right on guys I actually found attractive and if they didn't match with me then OK! Whatever! I shot my shot and that's all that matters. If they swiped right, bonus! Slide into those DMs baby! They clearly saw something they like in you, as did you with their profile. See where things go. LIVE A LITTLE!
At the moment, I'm taking a break from online dating. When I first joined the app I was on my phone CONSTANTLY talking to boys and to be honest it was draininggggg. I just ended up talking to a lot of fellas where we both knew it wasn't going anywhere. I'm very happy with my current situation sooooooo yeah, a break from the online dating is pretty nice.
All I can say is online dating can be scary, at any size, but don't let that stop you. You're always going to be someone's cup of tea. Whether you find them online or not, there is at leasttttt one person out there that's going to look and you and think 'crikey, they're a bit of alright'. You are you inside and out and someone will get it and really dig it. They're out there, so just own it! This online dating stuff has worked out for me before so it must be so there must be some method to it. And even if you don't find your forever person, there ain't no problem with finding a for now/tonight/a few times person! So, to my big gals and boys out there, don't let your size put you off because tbh eff itttttttt. YOU DO YOU!
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